New Life After A New Arrival

The first month with Meriwether proved to be more challenging for me than I anticipated…

I'm someone who devotes time into researching, planning and preparing. One of my daily little joys in life is making to-do lists and getting to check them off. There aren't many instances, if at all, where I can recall feeling totally unprepared. Yet, nothing could quite prepare me for my twenty-eight hour labor or first weeks at home with Meriwether.

I'm not really sure what I expected the first few weeks of motherhood to be like, but the reality is, I just didn't feel like myself. While “baby blues” are the least severe form of postpartum depression, it's so important not to ignore the changes that are happening in your body. Talking about the emotions and challenges is one of the best ways to cope. 

There are major physical changes to your body, and while I'm still dealing with that part of it, my biggest struggles early on were the emotional ones. One moment I would be gazing into her big blue eyes and tears of overwhelming love would start rolling down my cheeks. The next moment I’d burst into tears of overwhelming anxiety because I felt so lost. I remember the first day I went without crying. I felt hopeful, like life was finally stabilizing and I was figuring things out. During those first few weeks, not only was it a blur due to exhaustion, but I felt guilt and shame for having any feelings other than pure joy.

I was mostly sad — but also feeling anxious, tired, trapped, confused, alone, and overwhelmed.

I was used to chatting and styling clothes with clients in my shop and running my business. I was used to a bustling schedule and getting things done — running errands, buying and sourcing for the store, shipping orders, and styling photoshoots. My husband went back to work when she was three days old, and if I could go back and change that, I would.

When you have a child, you’re relearning daily life. Learning about their needs. Learning how to best comfort them. Learning how to lean into a slower pace and manage your expectations. Learning a completely new craft: motherhood.

For the first time in my life, I felt like I was struggling in every area: as a new mother, wife, friend and business owner. Come to find out, many women feel confused about struggling with sadness after the joyous event of adding a new baby to their lives. Once I finally got the courage to reach out to other moms, I found it to be very common. I would've never known because it’s uncommon for new moms to share this side of things. Most of the time, all we want to share are the joyous moments we are proud of, and we hide away the tough ones that make us feel shame.

We’re incredibly blessed by the opportunity to have and experience new life — a precious child to cherish and nurture. In her short two months of life, Meriwether has taught me many lessons. Changed me for the better. Most impactful is to slow down, embrace the little moments, and fully enjoy being with and loving the people sitting in front of you. Our daughter is the best gift we’ve ever received, but realistically, it takes some time to figure out new life after a new arrival. Be patient with yourself.

James 1:17 | Isaiah 41:10